hmm..what should I do help!

So I know I haven't blogged in a while but I really need to get some things off of my chest so to speak. A lot of crap has went down since I have written...Let's see my sister in law is a slore and got pregnant by some other man, when she cant take care of the babies she already has. All I can say is thank goodness for my parents or I don't know what would happen to those kids. My brother has yet to get a divorce but he wants it. I have had a really rough start to the semester. My grampa had to have  triple bypass surgery, grama broke her knee on the day of surgery. I am having some medical issues that are small right now but there is a slight chance it could become something bigger. But I HAVE to look on the positive side...I WILL be strong!! It's just so hard when everything seems to be falling apart and I hate this feeling. I have once again have been diagnosed with depression and anxiety, But I doubt it ever left me. The pills are slowly making it better thank goodness! It has been a year since I have seen my big bubba...I miss him like crazy. I have gotten close to some of the people in the smokers circle. I am so happy I did meet the people I did there are a few out there who have taught me its OK to be odd, weird, silly and  dorks but it is perfectly OK  Just be yourself and that's all that matters! I need to let loose a little more, and I am trying but it's hard but eventually I will!! I just cant believe that it has been over a year since I saw my bubby! I wanna see him so bad!  I need my partner in crime!! I am hoping he learns something out of this stay, especially since it  will be a  long term this time although his first! On a good note..My bestie is pregnant!! I am super stoked! I will be an auntie for the fourth time, this is my number one favorite job! I am going home next semester...Going to do the CNA program probably at Pen Valley but we will see!
 Love
 Shelbyy Lynn

Update on the pain I call my big bubba :)

I have been so busy kicking it into gear to get school back up but I can do it! I have not really written to my brother lately which I need to get on it..Because I miss him so much! It's just so different going home on weekends or breaks and knowing he is not there to call me a butt head or brat when I first see him. I never really realized how much I would miss getting the lovely brotherly love of being picked on. I really want to see him because when I do I get to give him a hug!! I know that doesn't really sound like much but to me it is, just to know he still loves me. I have gotten to talk to him on the phone he is doing good starting to get in GED classes and get in a rehab program but I am not getting my hopes up....I will believe it when I see it. I know he can do it he just lacks motivation. It is really nice hearing his voice that's the only thing Keeping my hopes up, he sounds so up beat! Drama drama drama save it for your mama!! I am so sick of it. But I will write again and explain. 

With lots of love, 

Shelby Lynn 

Let's hope it doesn't get worse!!

So this week has been hectic...I am working on  theater project, studying for a test and being in the middle of unneeded drama...On top of that I broke my phone today. It was the nicest phone I have ever had and I just had to go and break it. I was so ticked off!! I have a new phone on the way, but there goes my road trip with the best friend.Also I got my hair cut and the lady was rude and cut it too short..but Oh well as every else says it's a part of this thing called life. Hopefully things will get better..people always tell me things could be worse. I miss home but in two weeks I can not wait! I am so ready to see the family and the kiddos!! In April Sara Evans is coming to St.Joe and I have two tickets for the concert so my best friend and I are hopefully going to go!! Least I have two things to look forward to :) I probably should start writing my brother another letter :)

Live.Laugh.Love
Shelby lynn <3

Busy Week ahead! (:

I am starting to get extremely homesick and I do not like it. Ugh..I just wanna go home but it looks like I wont be going home till the first weekend in march. The kids, best friend and parents want me home..I wish I could just teleport there..School is really starting to pick up and I just hope I can do it! I really need to kick some but this semester, I am only really worried about one class, American government..I know that I can do it but I just need to remind myself why I am here. I want to be a nurse, to prove to my nephews and niece that if I can do this college thing any one can! I am soo sick of drama! I don't think I will ever get away from it. Oh well, it's a part of life right?! I met this guy and he is pretty cool. I actually think he likes me for me and not what I can give him to make him happy...He actually tries to make me happy! It's hard to find good men now days...He is six years older than me which is not all that bad I don't think, or is it? He does have a little girl but he is far from a dead beat dad, he loves his little girl soo much! I hope I get to meet her! That will be some time from now and I understand why he wants it that way, it less likely that she will get attached if our thing does not last long...Which I hope it does, because he is a good guy and makes me happy..I just hope I do the same for him! All we can do is to wait and see!!  I know I am kind of blabbering but hey what do you expect when someones happy! I have such a busy week this week...Test tomorrow...Best friend might be coming up on Tuesday...Wednesday I am going over to this mans house, doing laundry, cooking for him, and having some fun..I can't wait!! 

<3 Live.Laugh.Love <3

Shelby Lynn

First off I should probably be studying..But I will later I promise!! It has been a long couple of weeks, tough to get through but I got this!! I finally wrote my brother another letter...So upset the last letter I wrote is in the process of getting sent back because I sent him pictures that were 5x7's instead of 4x6's...Oh well learn from mistakes, I guess. It's not easy  having my brother in prison for a short period of time, it is even worse knowing he is going to be in for a long period of time. It is getting a little bit easier but also harder at the same time, the kids miss him, they are acting up, my 5 year old nephew is in counseling for getting into two fights in Kindergarten...I mean it would be different if he did not have three children but he has three beautiful ones! I would not want him to change a thing about having the kids, I only wish he was there for them now and even before he got put into state custody. Now my parents are taking over his part of raising the kids, I do too when I am home. I love those kids but gosh are they little monsters. Now don't get me started on Mindy (The kids mom). She has thrown a doll house, threatened my brother and made him feel stupid and dumb...May I add that all of this happened in front of the kids?! That's what made me even more upset than I already was. I understand that she is ticked off at him, so therefor I understand calling him names and such..but it is something different when you threaten him...So if anything happens to him when he gets out there are three people that the cops will be questioning right off the bat. I still love Mindy, just over the past year or so I have lost a lot respect for her. She has guys over and sleeps with them while her kids are in the same bed...Is that not wrong? When a three year old knows what sex is there is something wrong...Bad parenting much?!? I think defriending her from Facebook was honestly the best thing I could do...I mean every time I saw a status threatening or her posting bad stuff about him just mad my days go from really good to horrible...It is really sad but I just know I have lost the old Mindy and I would like her back, I dislike this new Mindy..But life happens you just gotta go along with it. I get out of one drama fest and straight into another...But I am just gonna try to ignore it..It would be for the best. I know that everything that has happened has just made me stronger and I love that! I am taking my days by day, you only live for so long! So live it up!
On a good note I can not wait till spring break!! I am going on a road trip with the best friend! We are not exactly sure where we are gonna go..But maybe Nebraska!! Ahh!! It is still a month away!! I am happy that I have things to look forward to at least!!

Live.Love.Laugh.- It is possible, I have two of the three down, working on the third!! (:

Love,
Shelby Lynn <3

Hmm...Just a little reflection :)

So, it has been a while since I posted last, just because I have been kinda busy. You know getting used to the new schedule, homework , work and making sure I have time to hang out with some friends. I recently moved back to V-hall and I am super happy, it's like I am home again! I have yet to unpack so the room is a disaster. Also my non existent roommate has yet to show up and by they way my suite mates talk it's a good thing. I have been the bigger person and started talking to this girl I had issues with...Considering she is dating my ex. It is time to move on, no need to hold grudges. I can find better in my opinion at least! People come and go as they please, they may be there for years or simply days and then they leave..If people are meant to stay in your life they will be by your side for forever. Some people are meant to be with you for a shorter amount of time, they leave an impression in your heart till they day you die, I have had a few of those people and when they left I was upset...but looking back at those times now, I thank them because they have taught me a lot. I love them for that. I have met some awesome people in my lifetime so far. There is my best friend Peaches, She is one person I can go to with advice and she will give it to me straight with no sugar coating! I honestly do not know what I would do with out her, she is the person who keeps me sane when things get hard. Peaches is one of the strongest women I know, even though when she is going through rough times she still takes the time to help me. I think some of the time we help each other, I know that if anything is bad is going on or happening she is only a text or phone call away! Since I do go to school semi far away from home and I am not home a lot I do not get to see her all that often, but oh my when we do get to see each other and hang out its like we were never apart!! In an odd way she is kinda like my other half..I know it's kinda weird but hey that's Peaches and I for you! I miss her to pieces and can not wait to see her it feels like it has been years when in reality it has only been a little over a month. I know Peaches is one of my lifetime friends! As I always tell her-Till death do we part!! 


On another note-
Life is just taking it day by day living as if there is no tomorrows...Laugh is something you need to do not just every once in a while but often, Love...Now this is a hard one! I just recently got a tattoo about loving without regrets..that has been my new life motto I guess you could say. In all honesty once you love someone you always love them it never goes away because if it does, you probably didn't love them in first place, right? I personally think life should be lived with no regrets, just for the fact at the time it happened that's what you wanted. 

New Year New Me!

I know this will sound cliche but it is a new year and I want to start it out right. I need to do better in school for starters, last semester was not so hot! I need to start working out. I think if I actually start working out it will be good for multiple reasons I will loose some pounds, it would help with my anxiety that I have. Things are ok..my brother has been in prison for about three months..but its getting a lil easier...But on a good note I am finally getting over Steven it is well needed...I am so tired of thinking about him and having him come up in conversations. I finally feel productive..I wrote my brother a letter since he is in prison. I really wish I could go see him, but I know it's going to be hard seeing him through glass and I am scared that I wont be able to handle it...But you never know unless you try :)

Live.Laugh.Love.

Shelby Lynn <3